It's No Problem; It's Normal

Snow in spring
And kemps on Sundays
Busses with no capacity limits
And wild birds freely flying
Around the grocery store
Fur hats that look like wigs
Babushkas’ with blue and purple hair
And the eye make-up to match
Musicals about the English language - In Russian

No toilet seats or toilet paper to be found
Women in stiletto heels
While in the heart of a blizzard
Keys that operate as weapons
If one so chooses
Staring contest with complete strangers
Alcohol as medicine
And drafts are held responsible for every known illness

Butter is the meal
Food is just a condiment
Tea is consumed at all hours
And trash cans are not necessary
That is what the ground is for.
Flowers in only odd numbers
Decorate the arms of the men
Who are on their way
To woo their girlfriends

Ice cream is only acceptably devoured
In the sub-zero climate
Clapping is done in unison
How else is it done?
Dogs are free to do as they wish
And anywhere one goes
The lines do not exist:
Neither on the street or in a store
The customer is always wrong
And cars are always right

Coffee shops are bars
And discos stay open all night
Or more correctly…all morning
Outdoor sewage systems
And indoor smoking
Scrunchies are trendy and pleather shoes are chic
Mirrors in every hall way
And coat checks at every establishment
Fleets of stairs constructed of steps confused in height and length
Plastic bags are not only practical
But they are fashionable as well
Smiling is frowned upon
But it’s no problem, it’s normal.