August 19, 2009
Today is difficult. Not only am I saying good bye to my Russian family, the city, and my life here, but also to the people who have become my friends. I started to loose it whn I was on the bus going to the RSP apartment for the last time--looking at the beautifully run down style the city possesses. The sun barely shining through the grey cloud and cool wind. Even though it was 2 pm, it always feels and looks like it is breaking dawn whenever the sun is accompanied by the thick covering of clouds and the ever present freezing temperature. Once I got back home--because that is what it has become--I spent my last hour there with my Russian family watching August Rush and having my last cup of chai with them. Then it was time for me to leave. I got my things together, and was on my way out the door, and then it hit me! My sister and Papa were not going to the train station with my mama and I...but I didn't have enough time to react. I hugged and kissed them goodbye and headed out the door, with mama repeating "nyet plakid. Krassney nos" = which means "no crying, red nose". I pulled it together and made my way to the train station, where we were greeted by 50+ Russian students from the International Office, and every one's Russian Families. It was so painful to stand there, knowing that in a few moments we would be departing for St. Petersburg. The last 5 min, I spent hugging a kissing everyone goodbye. I got onto the train, and stared out the window, looking on the close friends I made: and then I lost it. Katya and Marina put their hands up to the window, and it was just the one of many steps of separation that we would be experiencing: first a window apart, then a few hours apart, and then countries apart; timezones apart, and eventually life-spans apart. I was balling. I saw my Mama waving a white tissue and touching her nose repeating "Krassney nos"...The train started to depart and the whole crowd of our friends and family chased the train until they couldn't keep up any more. I wanted to sleep and pretend none of it just happened. Could it have been a more perfectly painful goodbye? I don't believe so. It was exquisitely heart wrenching and exceptionally beautiful. I praise God for all the amazing experiences that I was able to take part in these past 4 months. I am also glad that I was able to be present in the moment here, as painful as it was, I'm grateful that I had to ability to feel it.
April 20, 2009
Yesterday was my last day in Nizhini and I cried; and, to be brutally honest, I didn’t cry enough. There is something so beautiful in the release of those emotions that I so meticulously pin up inside. It always takes a dramatic event to force me to confront the reality of where I am, and most importantly, what I haven’t dealt with. I took two sleeping pills on the train to St. Petersburg and went to sleep – partially hoping that when I woke up I would be back in Nizhini and all of this wasn’t really ending. But no such luck. Instead, however, I did get a wonderful wake-up call around 3 A.M. with a Russian intercom announcing “MOSCOW TO SAINT PETERSBURG! MOSCOW TO SAINT PETERSBURG! MOSCOW TO SAINT PETERSBURG!” for a good 10-15 minutes. It didn’t completely wake me up from my drugged sleep, but it did annoy me enough to recognize the fact that it was happing. I then I woke up at 9 am to get ready to depart from the train and check into our hotel. Once I got off the train, the sun was out—as well as the powerful bone-chilling wind that accompanied it, which hit me in the face like a punch. We walked to our nice comfy charter bus and shipped off to our hotel. Emily and I are rooming together, which is very exciting, because I had wanted to get to know her better before we all separated from each other for what could very well be forever. The room Emily and I received at first wasn’t big enough for our luggage…let alone us! So Seth and Matt offered to trade rooms with us. YES! I am so grateful for their generosity. The rooms are still peculiar—they have two beds, with two nightstands, a desk…but then it gets strange—a sink and mirror right there next to the desk and no bath room! We have to use the bathroom at the end of the hall and the shower at the end of the other hall. Good old Russia never fails to amuse me! After getting somewhat settled in we went on a bus tour of St. Petersburg. It is a BEAUTIFUL city. I don’t feel like I am in Russia…not really. The architecture of the buildings here are Western European, and there are so many canals…and Saint Petersburg is rightly called the “Venice of the North.” I am looking forward to living here and exploring this wonderful city for the next 10 days.
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